Undone by Some Irises {A Lesson in Thoughtfulness}

A little gesture reduced me to tears this week {each time I thought about it, really}.  Still does a bit, if I’m honest.

I had some medical tests done last Monday ~ no big deal, really ~ but I was under anesthesia and that’s always a little scary, I suppose.

While I was still a little loopy from anesthesia that evening, I got a text that someone had left flowers on my doorstep.  Let me be clear ~ I NEVER get flowers.  Especially florist-arranged, created-for-me bouquets.

I don’t even know what to do with that.  I’m not used to that kind of thoughtfulness.

My reaction to the gift shocked even me!  I opened my door, saw them, and my tears started flowing!  Silent tears streaming down my face.  While I can attribute a bit of that to my residual loopiness, I realized pretty quickly that it was a lot more than that.

Let me put it in perspective… The week before, I was gifted with this GORGEOUS and enormous arrangement by a top Houston florist.  Have you ever seen such a dramatic, tall vase of flowers?

The branches almost touched the ceiling.

My house has never seen an arrangement like that.  MOST houses have never seen an arrangement like that.

And don’t get me wrong ~ I LOVED receiving it.  But, I was graciously given the arrangement as a “thanks” for something I had done.  I played the role of photographer for a fun Houston party the weekend before and was surprised with the arrangement delivery the next day.  The picture doesn’t begin to do it justice.

But there was a difference between that monster, expensive arrangement and the small one at the top of this post that I found on my doorstep Monday afternoon.

I didn’t deserve the little one.  Not even at all.

In fact, the last words I spoke to the giver of that thoughtful gift were quite “snippy.”  And that’s being nice!  I was tired, frustrated, didn’t want to go home alone, and I took it out on one of my favorite people.  And after I woke up from a long afternoon nap, my thoughtless comments were “repaid” with those lovely flowers.

What gives?  Lash back out at me.  I can handle that ~ I even expect it!  But a gift that I didn’t earn?  I’m immobilized.  I felt like Superman zapped with Kryptonite.

I didn’t deserve it, and I didn’t know how to process that.

Even if that snippy comment had never left my lips, I couldn’t get over the fact that I hadn’t done anything at all to warrant such a gift.  It was really hard for me to even accept it!

Can you relate?

I set it on my bedside table and it meant the world to me.  I kept coming back to it, just wanting to be near it!  That sounds so crazy, I laugh just writing the words!

I realized how poor I am at accepting undeserved blessings.  

I couldn’t get over the fact that someone thought I was worthy enough to seek an arrangement for me in the first place! Do they really KNOW me?  Have I pulled the wool over their eyes that much?

I realized my reaction came from a place of feeling REALLY loved… and if you’re like me, that’s not an emotion that rears its head all that often!

Maybe you’re better than I am at accepting compliments and just-because gifts.  The perfectionist in me demands that I do something to deserve it.

And that’s the difference between the two arrangements.  One was given  in payment for a service {which I had no problem accepting, despite its extravagance ~ thanks again to the giver!}

The second was given simply for who I am ~ and in acknowledgement of a tough day.

And it darn-near un-did me!

My mind tells me:  What makes you worthy of that kind of thoughtfulness?  What can I do to make it up to the giver? Perhaps if I respond with a “thank-you” arrangement?  At least a card to show my gratefulness?  If I were to give such a gift to a friend, I’d be horrified to think that he/she felt such a responsibility to repay me.  Just accept it, I’d think.  I did it because I love you!  Don’t you DARE think about repaying me ~ that negates the whole gift!

When the shoe is on the other foot, why is it so hard to accept that we could be worthy of blessings just-because?

I was afraid for the flowers to wilt!  They were such a sweet reminder of the value another found in me.  Kind of a sad thought, really {I realize in writing this!!}, but also a great reminder that we’re enough and worthy ~ just exactly as we are.

And this a MICROSCOPIC reality of Christ’s love for us from the cross.  I can’t imagine that kind of undeserved love, paid in such an amazing way.  And I think ~ because it is so foreign to me {and perhaps you, too} ~ most of the time, I don’t even know how to process that kind of love.

It pretty much trumps all else, right?  Even when He’s silent at times we most want to hear from Him, can’t we rest in the fact that a God who would sacrifice all to prove His love and our worth to Him has our back?  That our worth will never be something we need to prove?  If we have His approval, what other approval do we need?

A little thoughtfulness goes so darn far…  And you’re worthy of it.  Just like I am.  Just like we all are.

A special thanks to my secret admirer this week.

And to some lovely irises {and gardenias, orchids, etc…} for their sweet message about worth and love and value.

Especially when I least deserved or expected it.

How can we bless an unsuspecting someone this week with the same impactful message?